Entitled? Yes. Molested? No. Is there a middle?

IMG_1728I’ve had it with my entitled 8th grade daughter.  I’m quite certain I’m doing a stellar job raising an entitled kid.  Surely, there is a middle.  Somewhere.

Here are my 10 easy steps on how to raise entitled children.

  1.  Give them everything they want (I mean demand).
  2. Make sure you go to all of their events.  Don’t miss.  The fall out of not attending isn’t worth it.
  3. Pick them up and drop them off at the door so they don’t have to walk any more than necessary.
  4. When the latest iPhone hits the shelves, make damn sure they have in their hands.  No need to wait.
  5. If it’s a Tory Burch wallet or Hartman (or whatever  the damn name brand is) backpack, buy it.  They need to be just like all their friends.  Oh, and don’t forget to replace in 6 months when those are out of date.  Mom, you must stay on top of your game.
  6. When you volunteer at their school, under no circumstances are you to acknowledge them.  What will their friends think?
  7. Their bedrooms have to be perfectly designed.  All name brands, of course.
  8. Make sure you book their travel far in advance so you won’t have to fly some other cheap airline.
  9. Chores?  Only, if you pay them immediately.  With cash.  There is no 2 week waiting period to get your paycheck.
  10. Let them pick the restaurants.  And if they don’t like the one you chose, leave.  Drive to the one they want.

Bonus.

  1.  Make sure their selfie portfolio is kept up to date.  Every 15 minutes.
  2. Don’t ever say NO.  Not acceptable.

Somewhere along the way, I have screwed up.  Royally screwed up.  I am guilty of doing everything on this list.  WTF was I thinking?

After driving an hour to her basketball game last night, after being bitched at for taking them to a good dinner (restaurant not her choice), after the berating for not signing her out so she didn’t have to wait to take the bus home and get home at 9:30, AND after the evil looks from asking her to put her phone down and tell me about her day, I’VE FUCKING HAD IT.  It dawned on me.  I’m raising an entitled brat.

Did it really take me this long to realize this?  After writing this list, I have at one point or another given her all this.  Here is my pathetic logic in all this.  I was given very little.  Maybe my mother did something right, after all.  She ignored me, attended almost none of my games, and gave me VERY little (both material things and affection).  One year, I did get a pair of Gloria Vanderbilt jeans.  With pink stitching.  Remember those?  Everyone had those.  I HAD to have a pair.  And, yes, I had to wait til Christmas to get them.  Instant gratification?  Yea, right.  That term didn’t exist in the 70’s and 80’s.

The closest we ever got to instant gratification was when the CD came out.  Instead of having to fast forward through 5 songs to get to the one you wanted, you could just go to track #6.  That was AWESOME.  The technology was insane.  Who thought of this?  But I was 17, so I had to fast forward through a lot of songs in my day to get to the ones I wanted to actually hear.  The worst was waiting for the film to be developed before we got to see our pictures.  Then, they came out with one hour processing.  CHA-CHING!  Again.  That technology was insane.  Of course, the Polaroid camera meant instant gratification.  But the film was WAY too expensive.  Forget it.  I couldn’t afford to buy it after I ran out of 10 pictures that came with the camera.

I’m getting off course here.  Forget my childhood and its lack of instant gratification. No way to EVER explain that to my children.  I had to do chores.  I couldn’t do anything on the weekends until I cleaned the entire house.  I had to do ALL the ironing.  Don’t get me started on the resentment I have about ironing the child molester’s shirts.

My mother was desperate.  Married the first man (several times over) to come along and take care of her 4 children.  I suppose having 4 children in the early 70’s wasn’t exactly a good selling point.  Thus, your choices were limited.  Makes you wonder if the man whom she married was looking for a woman with many children.  Fucking pedophile.  But not me.  I’m in no hurry to get married.  And I have 4 children.  It pays to NOT be desperate.

My goal was to make damn sure my children didn’t have the childhood that I endured.  (At least, not the really bad parts).   I want them to have a better life.  A childhood with good memories.  With me being there.  But, in the process, I have failed them.  I have given them WAY too much.  Perhaps, even too much love and attention.  Is that even possible?  Can you give too much love?  How do I undo what I have done?

Or is this just the age?  Teenagers can make life miserable.  And high school starts in 8 months.  Can it get any worse?  And, with all that I have given them, I’m just adding fuel to this fire.  I can’t take anymore eye rolls.  And, yes, I rolled my eyes at my mother.  Mainly, when she would sit in the child molester’s lap at the dinner table.  I cringe at the thought of that.  That’s an eye roll well deserved.  But when my daughter rolls her eyes at me because I tell her to put her phone down and talk to me?  I’ve had it with that.

There has to be a middle in raising my kids.  You know.  One where they aren’t molested by a man I bring home and one where they appreciate everything I have given them.  Things that I never had.

Where is the middle?

 

 

 

Am I a good parent? A bad parent? Or in between?

March 1, 2015

I constantly screw up as a mom. I’m short tempered. I get easily irritated. I’m outnumbered. I’m alone a lot. I question myself. My actions. My delivery. It’s harsh. And it’s not sugarcoated. Definitely rough around the edges. Ok…rough is euphemistic. Unbearable? Everybody knows I have been known to put my foot in my mouth. A lot! I spanked all four of my children. With my bare hand. Never with an accessory like a belt or a spoon or a brush. I was spanked with all of those. Have you ever seen your handprint on your child’s behind? That’s a true wake up call. Luckily, spanking was few and far between but it made its point. They are too old to be spanked now but I look back and wonder if it was a smart thing or a dumb thing to do. Not really in the mood for a debate on spanking. It is what it is and it’s all in the past. More screaming now. I’m quite sure that does more damage, anyway. How do I know the damage I am causing them? Or the good?

Where is the scale to measure my parenting?

There is a flipside. It’s not all doom and gloom over here. After all, I am the fun mom. The adventurous mom. The athletic mom. The coach. The teacher. (ok…really, just a substitute teacher…did that a few times at my son’s school. Subbed for PE and got to play dodge ball all day with the kids. When my son’s class came in, my son and all his friends loved pelting me with the ball. Yep. I’m that kind of mom.) I was the mom who got in the water with all 4 of my kids and taught them how to water ski. “Tips up!” Oh the patience it takes to get a 6 year old up on skis. They all did it! And as they got up and skied in a circle, I lay there in the water. Praying that I don’t get hit by a boat. Talk about scary! I taught all 4 of mine how to throw a ball, hit a ball, kick a ball, and catch a ball. I got all 4 up on ice skates. I take them rock climbing. Zip lining. Snow skiing. Water skiing. If it involves anything outdoors or on a court, a field, a rink, a gym, I’m all in. Ask me to sit and play a video game, I miserably fail at those. Gladly. I was never one to sit inside. For obvious reasons.

I know I’m the fun mom. I do lots of activities with my kids. But I’m not patient. I can only wonder how much damage I am doing to them…Why don’t parents come with an autocorrect function like the keypad on my iPhone? I feel like I’m walking this very thin line. I want my kids to have what I didn’t. But am I spoiling them by giving them too much? Where do I draw the line? Will they ever have my drive, my work ethic, my incessant need for a better life? I always say the best gift we can give our kids is not material. It’s self confidence. I’m quite sure I exude self confidence but how deep does it really go? How can I teach my kids things when I was never taught them?

So many questions as a parent. Not sure I would really want to see my report card. Sure I get and “A” in adventure. But what do I get in the everyday, day to day monotony of parenting?

More questions than answers in today’s rant…leaving for a cruise in 7 days. I know it will be fun. Lots of fun things planned for my kids. Now, if you could just get me thru the next 7 of the day to day life that I find so challenging as a parent.